Protect Her

          When you have a little sister, going off to school for the first time can be traumatic for both sisters. I remember my first day at CSOS. Nick Price was my only little friend until he told me to say the “F-word” to our teacher. Mrs. Carson sent me to the Principal’s office. Nick Price was not my friend anymore. We graduated together in 2005, and I still hold a grudge after he put that blemish on my sparkling first grade record. Emily would be so excited when I would come home from school. I miss the days that her whole adorable little face would light up when she saw me. We would set off on new adventures that lasted until bedtime, and sometimes well into the night.

          When Emily started 1^st grade, I was in Mrs. Roberts 5^th grade class. I would walk by her class room any chance I got to check on her. I took every opportunity I could to pound on anybody who messed with her. There was a little brat named Cassie, who used to throw basketballs at Emily’s head, and Mrs. Hale, who wouldn’t let her go to the restroom when her nose was bleeding buckets, and a freak named Christian who would pin her against the wall and threaten her. From yelling at Cassie, to mouthing off to Mrs. Hale, to slamming Christian’s head into a locker, I had my sister’s back. I wanted to protect her at any cost. Even as an adult, I want to protect my sister from all the hurt and pain that comes with growing up. I want to shield her from the lies and deceit. The same way I do for my Princess Z.

          It’s so hard to protect the ones you love when you have absolutely no control over this world. I can’t control the outcome of our foster care situation anymore than I can control a tsunami. The biggest struggle that I have with being a foster parent is the need to control the situation, to do what’s best for Z. I sit and listen to lawyers and social workers decide what’s to be done and inside I’m screaming for justice. All I want to do is protect this child, this perfect gift, who I don’t even know how long I get to keep. My heart bleeds for her.