Wisdom from a friend

As I’ve struggle with letting go of the situation with Z and letting God take control, (which I know He has already) I’ve been blessed with good friends to offer their comfort, support and advice. My good friend sent me this devotional that she found online. It was so uplifting to me, and I hope it will be to you as well. Posted: 30 Aug 2011 05:25 AM PDT If someone is having a problem, particularly someone I love, I want to fix it.  I want to look at the situation, figure out what's gone wrong and do what needs to be done to make it right.  I hate seeing people I care about in pain.  I want to take it away, take it away from them, take them away from the pain.  I want to be of help, to be of service, to put an end to the hurt feelings, the impossible decisions and the string of bad news.It tears me up and apart.Even though it goes against my grain, I know there that are problems that no person can fix.  Sometimes things seem to have to be the way they are- raw, terrible, unfair and hopeless- and it's all happening for no apparent reason.  I've come to the conclusion that some things happen for a reason and some things happen for no reason, but God will do a good work in spite of the awfulness.  And, sometimes it might not be the good work we have in mind.I know that He works behind the scenes - softening hearts and leading people to those who may offer them hope and comfort, but so often it's not visible enough for me.  I can't see the softening, the affects of the comfort and hope and it leaves me feeling helpless again and it breaks my heart because I know that the helplessness of the people directly involved is infinitely more intense than mine.I need to let go.  I need to lay it at the feet of my Jesus.  I need to give up the (lack of) control and rest in the confidence that my God is SO big and awesome and mysterious and yet He loves and cares and He sees every hurt, hears every word and senses every emotion.In this life we may never see the reconciliation, the good work, the softening that we long to take place, but we must trust anyway and never doubt for one second that our God hasn't been right in the midst of the brokenness from the very beginning. "Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Selah" Psalm 62:8 Broken

           I have always struggled with an all-consuming need to control my surroundings. I am very guilty of holding on to the past. It is something I try very hard to overcome, but it's an uphill battle. The past can take everything from you if you let it. Regrets and fear will replace peace and faith. Bitterness and distrust will replace honesty and love. The past leaves you numb, unable to feel. Sometimes you have to face your past, and yourself along with it. When you've been stuck in a dream (or a nightmare) for so long, you forget how to feel love, hear truth, see beauty and believe in anything pure.

          I worry that Z will struggle with these same issues, considering her fragile beginning in this world. The chaos in her little life breaks my heart. I pray constantly that she will be stronger because of all of this, and not allow it to control her life. I will never allow her to play the victim, as long as she is in my care, but rather, encourage her to rise above her situation. I hope that her strong will (which I already see displayed on a daily basis) and her strength will be used to build people up and set an example for those around her.

          I wrote this song a while back about overcoming this problem of not being able to let go.

I pinched myself tonight to see if I still feel
Sometimes the dream I’m in can seem so real
I made a fist tonight to see if I still fight
It’s funny how what’s wrong can feel so right
I played some rock and roll tonight to see if I still hear the music
I opened my eyes to see if I still have my sight
Wake up, Wake up
This dream you’re in won’t last
Wake up, Wake up
The morning fades so fast
I cut myself today to see if I still bleed
How does pain and loss fill a need
I took a walk outside today to see if I still taste the rain
When you’re numb you can’t feel the sunshine on your face
I watched the news today to see if my heart still breaks
I prayed a prayer to see if I still have my faith
Wake up, Wake up
This dream you’re in won’t last
Wake up, Wake up
The morning fades so fast
When you’re looking in the mirror
What do you want to see
For so long I was too blind to see me